Saturday, October 13, 2007

You know you work for CPS when ...

(Homecoming edition)

... there are no announcements about homecoming until the day before the event.

... at the homecoming pep assembly, the fire alarm goes off during the posting of the colors.

... students are told to remain in the auditorium, that it's a planned test.

... during the screeching alarm and flashing lights, the JROTC leads the audience in the Pledge of Allegiance.

... when things finally settle down, a fight breaks out in the middle of the audience.

... everyone stands up and cheers.

... the two are separated and escorted out, and an assistant principal tells the audience that the fighters will be arrested and possibly expelled.

... you later learn that one of the fighters was this big, quiet kid in your seventh period class. He now has a five-day suspension.

... as the various fall sports are introduced, the audience just sits there, bored.

... they finally do cheer when one football player is introduced: a 4-foot-6 freshman, who is lifted by his teammates and tossed in the air.

... some girls are introduced as the cheerleading team and cross country team. Same coach, same practice.

... the tennis coach leans over and says, "This is the one day I dread every year."

... the cheerleaders do not even perform a routine.

... after the assembly, kids roam the hallways screaming "08" and "09" and "08 killer!"

... a couple of the cheerleaders are in your class so you ask why they didn't perform and someone says, "Because they suck!" and one of the cheerleaders says, "Yeah, we do, but you didn't have to announce it like that."

... the homecoming game starts at 3:30, just so kids can attend.

... your team is the "visitors" on the scoreboard.

... about 150 kids attend the game but just sit there, bored.

... a few of them cheer after the quarterback throws an interception. (Maybe they liked the tackle the wide receiver made?)

... a couple of students in the stands ask you to explain the rules of the game.

... your team is penalized for having too many players on the field. Two plays in a row.

... you notice one of the players is wearing a golf glove.

... you realize your school doesn't have a golf team.

... you remember one teacher is the golf coach, and wonder if he gets paid even though there is no team.

... the cheerleaders sit in the stands during the entire game.

... one girl tries to lead the fans in a cheer, loudly clapping and shouting, "Let's go team!"

... she is ignored, even by the cheerleaders.

... you spot a kid who borrowed $3 from you earlier in the week eating nachos.

... you ask for your money back. He doesn't have it.

... you leave early with your team losing, but later learn that they made a comeback and crushed the opponent.

... on the drive home, one of your colleagues comments that this is the nicest homecoming he's attended in the five years he's been at the school.

... you wonder what he's talking about.

6 comments:

Mrs. P said...

HILARIOUS! You're such an awesome writer!

appopt said...

thanks, but you're WAY too kind ... I'm just reporting what I experience

mr. christian said...

you are an awesome wirter but while you usually write bittersweet stories this one seems to be lacking the sweet.

Is that a dark winter cloud I see in the distance?

appopt said...

Yeah, I think the winter clouds are rolling in ... I am definitely affected by the long, dark winters. Today is the sixth day in a row that will be mostly cloudy. But who's counting?

Anonymous said...

Time to get your punchcard at Totally Tan!
~Jenska

The Mom said...

You know you work for CPS when your schedule changes - you were teaching English courses and now your teaching all Social Studies. This is after 5 weeks into the school year!
The classes are totally over crowded because of budget constrains, yet we have a brand new IMPACT system that cost over $60 million - and we haven't seen it work correctly to this day. (Aren't we all holding our breath over the new e-mail system that we have to use soon?)
I guess all of us could go on and on.